Becoming a parent - support for new families

Your mental health

Small children ask a lot of you but perhaps the most stressful thing is having to cope with everything else that is going on in your life as well as coping with their demands. You can spend a whole day trying – and failing! – to get one job done. Just as you start on it, your baby wakes up, or a nappy need changing, or they just need a bit of attention. Sometimes you can feel as though life is completely out of control. If you are the sort of person who likes to be in control and worries about getting things done, this can make you feel very tense and frustrated. Try these techniques or activities.

Smoking

Lots of people smoke because they think it calms their nerves, but it doesn't. It just calms the cravings for nicotine, the addictive substance in cigarettes. The best thing you can do for your health and your family's health is stop smoking. It's a worrying fact, but the children of smokers are three times as likely to grow up to be smokers themselves. Giving up smoking is not always easy, but you are up to four times more likely to stop smoking successfully with support.

For Stop Smoking services in Southend-on-Sea, visit: www.southend.gov.uk/homepage/474/stop-smoking-services-in-southend-on-sea

Alcohol

You may feel like alcohol helps you relax and unwind. In fact it's a depressant, and will affect your mood, judgement, self-control and coordination. If you are tired and run down, it will have even more of an effect. It's fine to drink every now and then, but try to keep track of how much and when you drink. Never mix alcohol with antidepressants or tranquillisers.

For help and support visit: www.forwardtrust.org.uk/service/stars-southend-treatment-and-recovery-service

Make time for each other

Relationships can go wrong when you are tense and tired and you don't seem to spend any time together. Make time to be with your partner, even if all you manage to do is fall asleep in front of the TV together. Talking about how you are feeling can help, at least for a while. You and your partner need to understand how each other are feeling, like you did before your baby arrived, when you have a baby, it is a lot harder to get out together and enjoy the things you used to do. But make sure you communicate as your partner may feel left out, or feel resentful at what you see as lack of support.

Contraception

You can get pregnant as soon as three weeks after the birth of a baby, even if you are breastfeeding, and even if you have not started your periods again. You should use some kind of contraception from the first time you have sex after giving birth unless you want to get pregnant again. You will usually could discuss the various options before you leave hospital after your child's birth, and at the postnatal check-up. But you can also talk to your GP or health visitor or attend the Brook Southend Sexual Health service: www.sexualhealthsouthend.co.uk

Postnatal mental health

‘Baby Blues' in the first week after childbirth, may present with symptoms such as feeling emotional, irrational, bursting into tears for no apparent reason, feeling irritable or touchy or anxious and depressed. These symptoms are probably caused by the sudden hormonal and chemical changes that happen after childbirth. They are perfectly normal and usually last for only a few days.

Postnatal depression and anxiety

Sometimes, baby blues just will not go away. Postnatal depression usually occurs two to eight weeks after the birth, although it can happen at any time up to a year after your baby is born. Some of the symptoms, such as tiredness, irritability or poor appetite, are normal when you have just had a baby, but these are usually mild and don't stop you leading a normal life. With postnatal depression, you may feel increasingly depressed and despondent, and looking after yourself or your baby may become too much. If you think you may be suffering from postnatal depression, don't struggle on alone. It does not mean you are being unsuccessful as a parent or that you cannot cope. Postnatal depression is an illness, so ask for help just as you would if you had the flu or had broken your leg. Talk to someone you can trust, such as your partner or a friend, or ask your health visitor to call in and see you. Many health visitors have been trained to recognise postnatal depression and have been taught techniques to support you. You should also see your GP. If you don't feel up to making an appointment, ask someone to support you.

NHS talking therapies

If you live in England and are aged 18 or over, you can access NHS Talking Therapies services for anxiety and depression. You need to be registered with a GP to access Talking Therapies with the NHS. A GP can refer you, or you can refer yourself directly without a referral. NHS Talking Therapies services offer talking therapies, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), counselling, other therapies, and guided self-help for common mental health problems, like anxiety and depression.

Visit www.therapyforyou.co.uk